J Biebs & Friends at Hogwarts
by thatonekidyaknow
Summary: The new student at Hogwarts, Justin Bieber, catches Link's attention. Except, he's convinced that Justin is a female. I suck something fierce at summaries. XD Read it. It'll melt your brain and corrupt your soul. Also, Harry and Pit are quite the item:3


**An: Things could be said about this, some being offensive. We do not like Mr. Bieber, and if you do, go away. I definitely don't want to hear sass back from your kind. Oh, co-written with bobbythenerd. XD ENJOI.**

J Biebs & Friends at Hogwarts

Link was walking down the hallways of Hogwarts when he saw her. The new girl. Rumor had it, she was quite a famous Muggle singer, and he couldn't wait to tap that. See, Link had just broken up with Zelda a week prior and was currently trying (and failing) to have sex with every female on campus to make her jealous. A masterful move by Link.

Trying to look somewhat attractive, he sauntered up to the new girl like a cowboy, or some shit. "Hey, baby," he began. "How's about you and me hook up in the Room of Requirement later? Whaddaya say?" Link licked his lips suggestively while he waited the girl's answer.

"Umm, hello...I uh-I'm a dude...So, yeah," The girl (?) replied with a hint of unease.

Link, being a dumbshit, burst out laughing. "Oh, you're hilarious! A guy? No way, I can barely keep my eyes off your lovely tits, 'bro'". When he finally managed to piece that articulate sentence together, he was rolling on the ground laughing. When his stupid laughter finally subsided, he spoke to the girl once more, "So, me, you, Master Sword, Room of Requirement: 6 o' clock."

"Sure...May I inquire as to what you are called?" She asked, slightly aroused by the prospect of intercourse with this stranger she had just met.

"Heh, score fucking one for Link. Oh, yeah, my name's Link, what's yours?" Link was proud of himself for not repulsing another person with his disgusting visage again.

"Hello, Link. My name's Bieber; Justin Bieber. See you at six, babe," Justin said snickering to himself. This guy Link was in for a real four inch surprise at six.

"Kay, sexy!" Link screamed for no apparent reason, as they were standing face to face. He waved to Justin, before spinning around and skipping merrily down the hall. He could not wait for six, as an elf, he was notorious for being good at romancing. People stared at him as he made his way through the school, he thought it was because he was sexy, but it was actually because he was wearing a skirt. Link thought they were laughing with him, but again, no. Even the teachers thought he was a queermosexual dumbass. Which, in fact he was.

As Link approached the Hufflepuff dorm, he felt his ego swell. No, like he could seriously feel it swell; man, his dorm mates would be proud. 'Man, everyone is gonna be sooo jelly when they hear about my hot date tonight with Justin!'

They weren't.

Cedric Diggory, Edward Cullen, and Robert Pattenson all scoffed at him.

"Bro, check it. Justin's a dude…Well, as far as that word can be stretched anyway…," Cedric said.

"What he said. And Link, that's just nasty that you got that thinking about your date with him," Edward The Totally Straight Vampire said, pointing at Link's swelling "ego". Robert just nodded his head in agreement; he usually just went along with whatever the other two said.

Link was enraged at their antics. "_Justin is a beautiful girl! You guys are just jelly, because I can actually get women and you can't! I you're going to be pulling this kind of shit just because I'm dating the sexy new girl that you all want, than we're done!" _ He glared at the trio as he caught his breath again.

Robert finally broke the heavy silence, "Umad, Bro?"

That was it. Robert's stupid and snide inquiry pushed Link over the mother fucking edge. He stormed out of his dorm, screaming profanities all the way to Gryffindor Tower. There was only one person who could calm him down about this…

"Pit! I'm having a crisis!" He screamed carelessly in the Common Room.

The brunette angel sighed to himself. As much as he loved his friend, he had a way of popping in at the wrong times, this being one. "Sorry, Harry…," He began to his boyfriend. "This is going to have to be postponed, you know how he gets." Pit got up, straightened his clothes, and descended the steps down to the Common Room. Harry groaned ad he watched Pit's retreating figure. The sexytimes would have to wait…

The room had basically cleared out, most had fled either to their dorms or had gotten the hell out of there. Link was not well like in these parts; or anywhere, actually. But, Pit found that he enjoyed the elf's company, as annoying as he sometimes got. "What's the matter now, Link?" He asked, trying to not sound pissed that he had interrupted his alone time with Harry.

"Everyone hates me!" Link exclaimed, waving his hands in the air for a dramatic effect.

"That's not new, Link. I asked what the problem was now…," Pit drawled, rubbing his temples. Oh, yeah. This was going to be just awful.

The elf blinked stupidly before continuing. He seemed to babble for hours, until his tale finally came to a close, "And no one thinks that Justin is a girl for some reason…They don't want me to be happy…," This was of course said in an obnoxious whiny tone.

'Well, this is certainly interesting,' Pit commented to himself. "Look," He began," You have to understand, Justin _is_ a boy, I don't get how you can't see it. But I you really want to believe that he's a girl go ahead. I won't intervene. You'll just have to learn on your own."

Pit waited for Link's feeble brain to absorb his words. "Thank you, friend." Link said with a smile, "You always know just what to say to make me feel better." He got up and hugged the angel, spirits heightened, he left Gryffindor Tower. Casting a quick _Tempus_ charm, he realized that he had only a quarter hour before his date with Justin. Link scampered off into the castle, his anticipation practically emanating from his body.

"This is going to be a good night, Link," he says to himself.

He has no idea.


End file.
